Our words are important to God. Ephesians 4:29 warns us to let no unwholesome word proceed from our mouths but only words that build up and give grace. Proverbs tells us that the wounds of a friend are better than the kisses of an enemy as well as the words of the rash are like the thrusts of a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Our words are important to God.
Sometimes words sting (faithful are the wounds of a friend). Come to think of it, the Gospel can sting. No one wants to be told they are a sinner. We like to think we are as good as the next person.
We need to be careful with our speech; yet, sometimes the truth hurts. We see examples of blunt speech in the Bible that hurt and healed. Nathan confronted David, “You are the man!” John the baptist confronted the Jewish leaders who came to the Jordan with mixed motives, “Brood of vipers, who told you to flee from the wrath to come?” Jesus confronted Peter who promised to die for Him, “Will you die for me… before the cock crows you will deny three times.” In these passages, Jesus and John confronted very publicly. Sometimes as Christians, as leaders, we are called to make difficult public statements. Hopefully, it’s not something like “brood of vipers…” But sometimes what we say is just as tough, just as necessary, and just as needed.
Enter “the Tone Police.” Who, what, are the tone police? The tone police engage in “tone shaming.” Rather than grapple with the truth, they would rather deal with how they wish the truth was presented. For them it’s too often all about form and little about substance. Many are easily offended. Some engage in moral outrage or grievance. Some are more subtle. So the focus becomes all the ways it could have been said differently rather than about truth. “Couldn’t you said this nicer?” “Couldn’t you said this with less conviction?” “Couldn’t you have avoided the topic altogether, somehow?” “Did you have to be so blunt?” “Did you have to be so dogmatic?” In the end, often but not always, they would rather focus on form over substance. This sometimes reveals one of two things: (1) a lack of conviction; (2) a lack of understanding or belief.
Jesus publicly called the Jewish leaders “sons of hell” or “children of hell. (Matthew 23:15)” He told them that they were of or like their father the devil. Hard words. And yet out of love He consistently engaged them, challenging them. Paul publicly confronted Peter to his face in a most embarrassing manner (Galatians 2:11). The writers of Scripture often named names. Jesus referred to Herod as “that fox.” Not a positive description. What’s my point?
Many want to be liked—that’s not always possible for Christians. Many in the church want to be seen by the culture as likeable. And while we should not go out of our way to be contentious or controversial, neither should we as Christians avoid controversy or forcefully speaking the truth (with a motive of love). Sometimes love is tough. Sometimes, as leaders we must protect the flock from wolves. Good shepherds are hard on wolves. We live in a Christian-hostile culture that opposes almost every tenet of biblical Christianity. If we are faithful, then we will not be liked. Jesus pointed that out to His followers. They hated Me, they will hate you. A student isn’t above his teacher… a slave isn’t above his master (John 15:18-20). We will have tribulation in this world. Don’t get carried away with being liked.
When the tone police come and engage in tone shaming don’t fret. At the same time listen politely, check your motives and your speech. But do not compromise for the sake of the approval of men. We don’t want to bring reproach upon the name of Christ through careless speech. Nevertheless, we can’t serve two masters, Christ and the culture. We will love one and neglect the other. So be circumspect. And be faithful. The cross is an offense. The Gospel divides. We cannot make peace with the culture at the expense of the Truth. It’s a delicate dance. It’s a fine line. But in the end, if you had to be a little rude to get someone off the Titanic and into a life boat, in the end they’d be glad. Our culture is a Titanic and we must engage in the difficult task of getting people, humanly speaking, into the lifeboat that is the gospel. We have to wake them from their sleep or complacency, from a slumber. Sometimes we shake them. At the same time, we are frail and fallen human beings. We will make mistakes. That said, don’t worry about “The Tone Police” and their “Tone Shaming.” Worry about souls.